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Wise Words
When you are describing,

A shape, or sound, or tint;

Don't state the matter plainly,

But put it in a hint;

And learn to look at all things,

With a sort of mental squint.

~Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (Lewis Carroll)
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 Short character description

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Zaragor
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Join date : 2010-06-20
Location : Buried deep in your neither regions
Posts : 9

PostSubject: Short character description   Fri Jul 02, 2010 7:29 pm

I wrote this for a friend (Looney-Lyra) as a birthday present, and figured I'd post it.
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Kris
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Join date : 2010-06-17
Location : Earth
Posts : 336

PostSubject: Re: Short character description   Fri Jul 02, 2010 10:12 pm

Zaragor wrote:
I wrote this for a friend (Looney-Lyra) as a birthday present, and figured I'd post it.
Spoiler:
 

My comments are in red. I only believe in giving comments/suggestions, not trying to edit and revise a writer's paper all by myself. Each work expresses a writer's ideas and style. Feel free to ignore my comments if you want. They are only suggestions as I said earlier.

This is a nice work, very focused on description, so my comments were directed towards descriptions. I'm not saying you're doing a bad job. It's good for trying to describe so much in a short space. With work (and expansion- if you're detailing, I like to see more of it!), it'll turn into a gem! Wink

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